I don’t know what to write, but I know I need to write something. The silence over the past several weeks, the lack of thoughts, everything comes back. This blog has seemed to be more a project reporting site than a place for our personal expression and thoughts. I tend to be more reserved and private about such things, I don’t think the world needs to know what’s on my mind normally, but there are some times where even I need to just let it all hang out.
I’ve been reading a lot about this free clinic that was held in San Antonio recently (READ: http://www.adventistreview.org/church-news/story2532-6,192-treated-at-free-adventist-clinic-in-san-antonio). In my eyes, this is exactly what we need to be doing, because it’s exactly what Jesus did; healing the sick who have nobody else and sharing the good news of salvation with them. We can do more, much more, and the church will begin to grow exponentially. This is exactly the type of work we want to do in Chad. Medical clinics combined with spiritual care, not only in Béré, but throughout Chad. The gospel cannot move forward without everybody getting involved. And everyone who is present will receive the largest of blessings.
I’m excited for what the future might bring in Chad, and worldwide as the Spirit of God continues to be poured out on His people. When I see everything that is happening, it is clear the world needs a message of hope, of true care for the hurting. There are hurting all around us. There are broken families, broken lives, broke pockets as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. But everyone knows that the more money you have, the less satisfying it is. The media doesn’t show the torment of the hearts of all those who are slaves to their jobs, who don’t have meaningful relationships with their families or friends, who cling onto their money because it’s all they have in their life right now, and in their legacy to follow.
On the other hand, Sarah and I live on the other end of the spectrum. Here we are, having lived on our own these 3 years we’ve been married, now living with her parents waiting for the birth of our now-5-days-late boy. We have a mountain of student loans and our only income is donations that we feel responsible to use for others and not ourselves. We have committed ourselves to God’s service, and sharing His goodness and truth with others, particularly in Chad, yet here we are in the US. Even my dream to have a maintenance tracking software developed while we’re here is on hold, waiting for a student to finish some designs for a piece of the app that will become a foundation. I have designs and know everything I want on it, I’ve done about as much as I can before we get Into the nitty-gritty development phase. I really need to just hire a professional designer working on it full-time for several months, but at this point God hasn’t provided the $10,000 (minimum) amount of cash to do that.
I digress. What I’m saying, I don’t know why God has brought us back here, or what our purpose is to be, what we will accomplish by sitting in New York doing very little when we could be in Chad saving babies’ lives, and doing what God has given us the vision to do with the airplane. To be blunt, the reason why I’m doing very little here is I’m not good at motivating myself to new things — I’m others-motivated. If someone asks for help, or I know of some way I can help them, I will do it with joy! I admire my father-in-law because he does a lot of work around the farm on his own, but I just can’t work that way, I need to be part of a team (another digression, but important: I’m looking for an A&P who’s willing to come maintain the plane with me from when we go back to Chad [probably August] till December. Anyone qualified and interested, please contact me! DavidMacomber27@gmail.com). Back on subject, I am tired of sitting around idle, especially when idleness brings on all manner of issues! I want to be working, but try as I might, I just can’t motivate myself to go out and work on my own. Every job I’ve had that involves working with others I excel at; every job that requires I work alone I’ve gotten in trouble for a “poor work ethic.”
God knows our needs. He knows how I need to be part of a team to be effective. So why is there nothing to do? Maybe He’s trying to stretch me a little? Maybe our focus right now needs to be on the little latecomer? Maybe this is to develop my character or to prove His? I don’t know. I do know I don’t feel like much of a missionary sitting in a nice home in New York with plenty of food to eat, no clear direction on what to do, or how to share the joy and peace I’ve found in Christ. Yes, peace. Despite all this short-term low and frustration, we have confidence in the merits of Christ as our atonement, to make us right before God, and turn us into princes and priests before the King of the Universe. We see how we are being made new, and the freedom we have been given from life-long struggles. He is so good to us, and attentive to our needs!
Oh Lord, You have created us, and saved us. Though things aren’t as we would choose them to be for ourselves right now, You are our Father, and are working things out according to Your glory. We are honored to play whatever part You call us to play, and yearn for more; for a deeper experience with You. As Elisha, we ask for a double portion of the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the world to You. You are moving in Your people, and we know You want to come again soon. Please help us to do what needs to be done for that day to come. We long to see You coming in the clouds of glory to raise Your people from every age and take us Home. Let it be, Lord Jesus.